First dates can be really tricky.
We all want to make a good first impression and appear in our best light without overdoing it, and that is because we know how crucial is the first opinion that a person forms about us.
I wish it was enough to “Just be yourself” but what if being “Just yourself” is driving men away. What if you are unintentionally doing things that turn them off.
There isn’t one good way to behave on a first date but men would agree that there are some major turn offs that will seriously compromise your chances of getting date 2.
If you have noticed that you had little success after the first date, (maybe guys who seemed very much interested at first did not call you back) chances are that you are doing one of these 8 turns off unintentionally.
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1.Be too forward looking
It is way too soon to talk about long term plans, marriage and children on a first date, and it is number one my list because I know women still do it.
You really should not bring up the topic of future plans of getting married and having children on the first date, especially if the guy does not ask you any questions about it. You will probably just scare him away if you do so.
You need to bear in mind that all a guy cares about on a first date is physical attraction and chemistry…marriage and children are completely off topic.
You should also avoid asking him if he has plans of getting married and having children because you do not want to give him the impression that all you care about is a ring on your finger and a genitor of your future children.
I am not telling you to not be honest about it, If he asks you specifically those questions then you should answer them honestly, but I would advice to send out a casual vibe when you do so.
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2. Talk about your ex
This is a big No No on a first date. In fact if you can avoid the topic at all it would do you no harm.
Your date is there to know you, he could not care less about your exes stories.
When you bring up your ex in the first date conversation, it tells your date that you are not over your past, and this turn off a guy immediately.
No one wants to be with someone who is stuck in their past.
If you are asked a precise question about your past, answer it precisely without developing.
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3. Try too hard
You really don’t understand the dating game if you are a woman trying to impress the man. …don’t take it the wrong way, I used to be the same.
I used to think that my degrees, my resume, my job…increase my value in a man’s eyes…it actually does not, trust me.
There is nothing more annoying to a man than a woman that cannot stop bragging about her achievements and how successful she is in her career and so forth. Guys just do not care.
Men are looking for an intelligent woman but in the sense of the way she behaves, and carries herself, her conversational skills and if she has culture and interests…but they are not looking for someone as competitive as them.
Another thing you might be doing is to try to be someone you are not, for example by making jokes when it is not your thing to be funny, it just does not sound right.
And finally, avoid complimenting him too much, or desperately looking for common interests in every single thing he talks about.
Trust me it is obvious to men when a woman tries too hard, and you do not want to start a relationship that way.
It is not your job to impress, you are there to be charming and wait to see what happens.
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It is a pretty bad start if you complain about your job, or your neighbors or your problems to someone completely new to your life…what kind of first impression will they get about you…
Well let me tell you, they will think that you are a problem person, whose life is filled with drama, and any sane person will try and stay away from you.
Everyone has their problems, but you should keep them for yourself not only on the first date but a couple of dates before opening up more about the dark side of your life.
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5. Say everything about you
I was literally told once that he lost interest because there was nothing else to discover about me as I told him everything he needed to know ( a polite way to say he was bored of me). Needless to say that it did not go any further with this guy.
But I learned something from his remark that day, and I never repeated that mistake again.
Ladies, please don’t be like open books on feet.
You can only hope to keep someone existed about you if there is so much more to discover every time they meet you.
Not only that, but you need to make him that he will get to know you more because he earned it, this way he will value your presence and your time much more.
A huge part of attraction comes from the unknown, the mystery.
When you say everything about you on the first date, you simply become boring.
6. Bring up controversial topics
You may have strong political views, religious beliefs or deep convictions about whatever you want…but your first date should not turn into a heated debate (unless you happen to agree with your date…but it is rare, and even so you never really know if they genuinely agree or just trying to please you but deep down they think you are a freak)
Talking about controversial topics is too serious for a first date.
Your first date should be a fun time, you want to be relaxed and make your date feel comfortable around you, not act like you are going on a crusade.
A first date can be awkward enough so you do not want to add layers to that.
7. Wear trashy outfit
Everyone’s taste is different, I get it.
But don’t they say “you dress for the job you want” ?
You can wear whatever you want whenever you want, but remember that what you wear tells a story about you…before you get to speak.
So it is important to know what kind of message you want to send to your date.
And I can tell you that much, men are visual creatures, they get excited by what they see, and a trashy outfit may (will) give them the wrong idea.
So it won’t put off all types of guys, but I can guarantee you it will seriously compromise your chances with the type of guy who is looking for a serious relationship ( and I am assuming I am writing to a woman who wants a serious relationship).
The best thing to do is to wear an outfit that you are comfortable in, that you wore before, that can be sexy but not trashy…
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8. Get drunk
You have probably heard that before but I still put it on my list of major turn-offs. A drunk lady is not exactly glamorous.
There are many reasons why you should not get drunk by any means on a first date:
- For your safety, men may see it as the perfect opportunity to get into your pans.
- You can’t control what you say and what you do, you may not even remember it.
- Most of “good men” will not find it attractive at all and may not take you seriously as a result. They may even think you have a problem with alcohol.
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The key to not get drunk is to know your limits and make sure you don’t go overboard or even have a hard rule of no more than one drink.
Politely decline offers to drink more than one and you will be okay.
Finally, if you are having a hard time getting Date 2, and you want to to step up your dating and relationship game and take your love life to the next level, you want to check out the self-help program His Secret Obsession.
It will take you deep into a man’s mind and psychology and will demystify what men really want and need for you.
You will be better equipped after the program to create the a loving and secure relationship whether you are currently single trying to date men or already in a relationship.. Check it out here.
Thanks for reading this post,