Not all relationships are meant to be forever. Some relationships simply won’t stand the test of time and will eventually fail.
Yet a breakup is not always the obvious outcome to many unhappy couples.
Breakups are never an easy thing to do and some people can spend months or even years ignoring the signs that the relationship has to end, postponing the decision to breakup at a date in the unforeseeable future just to avoid having to deal with it.
But when a breakup is inevitable, the sooner you recognize the signs of your failing relationship, the better it is for the two of you.
So how can you tell that it is time to leave? What are the signs that a breakup is inevitable? How do you know if your relationship is going nowhere and is doomed to fail? Is your relationship just going through a tough time or does it actually suck?
If you have been contemplating a breakup, If you have been debating whether to stay or to leave for some time now, this post is for you.
It is very important to be able to separate ups and downs which are part of any relationship from a relationship that is not working (and probably will never do), that is the only way for you to walk away and feel confident in your decision.
1. When you are the only one making efforts
Do you feel like you are the only one trying to make this relationship work? Do you feel you are constantly putting 99% of the efforts while he is barely giving 1%? Do you always have to compromise on your own happiness in order to make him happy?
If that is the case, you are probably in a one-sided relationship and you are condemned to be the giving side and barely getting anything back if you stay in this relationship.
Remember that it takes two to tango, so if your partner is always the one on the receiving end of this relationship and is not giving back anything, he probably does not care enough and you will be better off without him.
2. You have grown apart
This is sadly something that can happen in a relationship. People change with the passage of time and so they can either evolve in the same direction or drift apart regardless of how much they love each other.
You may have had a strong connection once, but that strings of the connection have broken after months or years simply because you are not the same people anymore.
If you feel that you no longer have much in common, that you have very different or even conflicting views and dreams, that your aspirations and values and too apart to close the gap, or if you simple no longer enjoy each other’s company, it might be time to admit that you are no longer a match and that you are better off going your separate ways.
3. You avoid each other
Spending time together is very much a barometer of how healthy and strong your relationship is (unless you are in a relationship with a prominent CEO and so he has very little time for you by definition).
People who love each other naturally want to spend as much time as they can with each other. They enjoy each other’s company and can’t get enough of each other.
If you noticed that your man is avoiding spending time with you, making himself busy with work, hobbies or meeting friends, or if it is you who does not want to spend time with him, it might be time to move on.
4. Too much fighting
Anyone can lose their temper sometimes, but there is a difference between occasional arguments and constant fighting over small things in a relationship.
If somehow any small argument turns into a fight and it has become the norm in your relationship, if you feel your partner is always ready to attack, you have a serious problem here.
Usually fights are a symptom and not the problem itself, a symptom of a deeper issue that has built up over time and was left unresolved and resulted in feelings of resentment turning into anger.
Fights can take many forms. It can be criticizing you, yelling at you, giving you the silent treatment to “punish” you, banging doors on you. They can even get dangerous if they escalate to physical fights.
If that is your life, you need to get out of this relationship ASAP.
In my books, Fights are the ultimate red flag to get out of a relationship.
5. He is always sorry but he never changes
People don’t change unless they really want to. So if you are not happy with your partners or something about the relationship as it is right now, you don’t have much control over it but what you do have control over if yourself.
You can choose to stay or leave.
If you want him to change, it is probably because he has done something that you disapprove of, or that hurts you, something that you care enough about to voice your concerns to him.
Here is the thing, if he promises to change more than twice and you don’t see anything real happening, know that it will probably not happen.
At that moment, you need to make a decision, whether you can live with it or decide to cut your losses and move on, because the worst thing you can do is to build your life on false hopes.
In general, avoid tiding your life to someone who is only giving you promises and potential and not following through with concrete actions and results.
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6. You don’t trust him anymore
True love and trust go hand in hand. When the trust is gone, love is compromised and will not survive, I promise you.
Maybe you have valid reasons not to trust him anymore, ( maybe he broke your trust many times, maybe you caught him lying or he cheated on you)…Whatever the reasons, if the result is that you spend your time questioning what he says, if you feel the need to double check on him and what he tells you, that you worry every time he checks up his phone or goes out with friends, you will probably never recover from it.
7. It’s only convenient
What if I ask you how is your relationship going, would your answer be ” mweh, it is okay” ? Be careful girl, it’s never good to settle for less. You are doing yourself the biggest disservice if you are only staying for convenience and you are not going after the relationship you really want.
Good is the enemy of great – James C. Collins.
Sometimes even a good relationship has to be let go of for the great relationship to come your way.
8. You compromise on your values and standards
Compromises are inevitable in relationships. No two individuals can live together happily and peacefully if they don’t make efforts and compromises on certain things in order for the couple to stick together.
But there are things that you should never come to compromise on, namely your values and your standards.
Any relationship which requires compromising on these two areas is NOT good for you. No one should lose themselves and the essence of who they are just to be in a relationship.
Relationships are meant to make us grow and uplift us and not diminish us or mutate us into someone we are not meant to be or force us to do things against our deepest convictions and values.
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9. Poor or No Communication
I consider communication to be one of the most accurate determining factor of the success or failure of long term relationships.
Most couples who have been married for years attribute the longevity of their marriage to the ability to communicate and get their point across in a healthy way and to talk through their disagreements and differences.
But when communication is a major issue in your couple, your relationship is doomed to fail.
If your partner withdraws whenever there is an issue or uses passive aggressiveness or sarcasm as a way to express his discontent or disapproval, if he gives you the silent treatment to signal that he is unhappy, yells or disrespect you whenever he is angry or upset, and blames you for anything that goes wrong, you need to reassess your relationship ASAP.
10. You are deeply unhappy
No one is supposed to be happy at all times in a relationship.
No one should even expect the relationship to make them happy If they are not a happy person on their own to begin with. Relationships have their ups and downs and it is all very normal.
But let’s face it, when are you constantly miserable in a relationship, something is definitely wrong.
When you experience chronic unhappiness and you can’t even pinpoint the reasons, it may be because you are in the wrong relationship.
The relationship might have started great and made you very happy, but as time passed, you became unfulfilled and discontent, bored and disinterested…and those feelings don’t seem to fade away.
Something is missing in this relationship and you don’t even have to figure out what.
All you need to know is that there is something out there that is better for you. The world is harsh enough so at least try to make your relationship a happy part of your life.
11. You are stuck in a cycle of on-off relationship
Do you keep breaking up and getting back together with your partner? One day you can’t stand each other and you call it quits and the next day you miss one another and you want to try again?
If you keep repeating the same cycle of breakups and reconciliations over and over again, that is because both of you let feelings get on the way of reason. More than two breakups in a relationship is a serious sign that the relationship is not working, and getting back together can only lead to more damage and resentment in the future.
You will be better off ending the relationship in good terms and move on with your life.
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